THERE AIN'T NO TATERS ON THE VINE

THERE AIN'T NO TATERS I CAN FIND

I SHOOK AND LOOKED AND SPUN AROUND

STILL NO TATERS ABOVE THE GROUND

AIN'T NO TATERS ON THE VINE

 

I WATCHED ED VOLAND DIGGING DIRT

HAD TO ADMIT MY PRIDE WAS HURT

ED MUST HAVE PULLED OUT NINETY-NINE

I OUGHT TO PAY ED OVERTIME (BUT I WON'T)

AIN'T NO TATERS ON THE VINE...

 

THINKS HE'S LORD OF HOUSE AND FARM

THAT'S WHY I SLEEP OUT IN THE BARN

HE SAYS 'EVERYTHING I SEE IS MINE

TATER CAKES AND TATER WINE'

SO WHERE'S THEM TATERS ON THE VINE?

 

EVERYTHING HE SEES HE CALLS HIS OWN

SAYS EVERYTHING I HAVE I HAVE ON LOAN

HE FLAPS AND CROWS LIKE THE DICKENS

SAYS TO GROW SOME EGGS YOU PLANT SOME CHICKENS

I'M GOING HOME I'M GOING HOME

 

HE BOUGHT A BULL HE CALLED A COW

TRIED TO MATE IT WITH A SOW

CALF HAS A SNOUT PINK AND BIG

SLOPS IT WHEN HE MILKS THAT PIG

AND TRIES TO STRAP ME TO THE PLOW

 

YOU LITTLE LADIES GOT TO LEARN

IT'S POWER MAKES THIS BIG WORLD TURN

I'LL PUT YOU ALL OUT IN THE RAIN

BY RIGHT OF EMINENT DOMAIN

THAT'S WHY I RULE AND WHY YOU BURN

 

NO POTATOES DO I SEE

NO POTATOES GROW FOR ME

THIS GARDEN'S BARREN CLAY AND MUD

FOR IT HAS BORNE ME NOT ONE SPUD

NO FRUIT UPON YON TATER TREE